


The Long Road

by LadyLorena



Series: A Mother's Forgiveness [3]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-08 05:29:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 11,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5485334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyLorena/pseuds/LadyLorena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to A Mother's Forgiveness, unrelated to From the Roots and Just One Person. Loki has been saved from a fall from the Bifrost, but he does not have an easy road ahead of him. From Odin's anger to the prejudice of his friends, Loki's challenges will drive a wedge between him and Asgard that only patience and courage might bridge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Loki sits up the entire long night. He thinks over everything from the last day, replaying every moment, from Laufey's death to dangling over the void, his mother's face above him, reassuring him that yes, he could be a good king, but also asking him to please come home to her, to rest, to take time and learn. He wonders what Odin will do once he knows what happened. He imagines it will not be pleasant.

Thor knows what he is. So does Volstagg. He hopes they will not tell the others. He does not want to tell them himself, but he thinks the information will be shared one way or another and he rathers they hear it from him. After breakfast, Loki sets out to find Sif and the Warriors Three.

He finds them relaxing near the fire, laughing at a joke he has missed. Thor is not with them. He quietly settles on the windowsill. Volstagg nods to him and he attempts a smile.

"Ah...Loki. Why do you think you are welcome to join us when you have caused so much trouble? What is your excuse this time, Silvertongue?" Fandral asks.

Loki says nothing, tucking his knees closer to his chest.

"Oh come now, certainly you have a story to tell? You claimed yourself to be king in Thor's absence and told us the All-Father was dead. And yet you are silent?"

"Let the boy alone. Surely he will tell us in good time," Volstagg tries to diffuse the building tension.

Sif stares at him, "In good time? He tried to have our friend, our prince, killed! And for no reason we have yet heard, and you demand patience?"

"Volstagg, even you must be furious! We have included him in our adventures since childhood and yet he betrays us this way!" Fandral rises from his seat and crosses his arms, glaring at Loki, "Talk. You will explain this to us and you will do it now."

Loki is terrified of what will happen next. He unfolds himself slowly and stands, still leaning on the wall, hoping he will not collapse from nervousness, "I...I learned something about myself that changed me. I am sorry. I acted rashly."

"That is no explanation. What did you learn?" Sif demands.

"Yes, what did you learn? Come now, spit it out. You owe us as much."

"I...am adopted."

"And so attempting to kill your brother was justified by such a thing? How does this make sense at all?" Fandral throws his hands in the air.

Loki speaks softly; hearing the words out loud is painful, "I am adopted from Jotunheim." He winces, his eyes closed. He does not want to see their reactions.

The room is silent. Sif leaves suddenly. Fandral looks from him to the swinging door and then back to him before following her. Hogun does not look at him at all.

Volstagg lays a hand on his shoulder, "That was brave of you, my boy."

"They hate me."

"They are merely shocked. I will help them understand best as I can."

"They will not ever understand. They cannot. There is no way for them to fathom how this feels."

"Perhaps not. But they can at least imagine it is painful. Keep heart, Loki. You are still the younger brother I was not blessed with." He hugs Loki and feels him crumble from despair.

A few quiet sobs later, he straightens and wipes his eyes, "Thank you, Volstagg."

"Do not hesitate to find me if you need someone other than your brother to talk to. We all swore oaths of friendship to one another. I do not intend to break that merely because your birth was in a different realm than I assumed." Loki nods and then leaves.

Hogun speaks only after he is gone, "He tried to kill us. Why?"

"He wanted to prove himself worthy of Asgard, the king to defeat Jotunheim, both as a realm and in himself- he broke. We were in the way. He will need his friends close if he is to recover."

"And what if we are no longer his friends?"

"Then I will mourn the breaking of our oath, but I will not leave him alone and you will have to make your peace with that."

"Understood. I will be distant, but do not think I am not watching him."

"You wish to see what happens next?"

"Yes."

"Fair enough." Volstagg shakes Hogun's hand, "I will be patient."


	2. Chapter 2

Loki retreats to his chambers and huddles under the blankets, shuddering. He reaches for a book on his nightstand, but puts it back when he is unable to keep the pages from shaking. He turns over and tries to fall asleep, hoping to forget he likely has lost at least two of his few friends.

He drifts in and out sleep, every sound rousing him. The few dreams he has are no help and he does not feel rested when he takes supper alone. After, he falls into disturbed sleep.

Late that night, he wakes. His dreams have all been of monsters. He wavers, wondering if this is worth waking his mother over. He decides that it is and slips silently into the hallway, his bare feet padding softly on the cold stone floors. He knocks on the door of her drawing room. He knocks again, but no answer. With a sigh, he creeps back to his own bed and cries himself to sleep.

He does not wake until after noon and he seeks his mother once again. As he raises his hand to knock at the door of her drawing room, he hears someone shouting on the other side.

"-do not care if he was our son, he has committed treason!"

His heart sinks as he realizes it is his father; she replies, "Odin! How dare you say he is no longer our son!"

"And what would you propose I do? Nothing? He let them in without Heimdall seeing- should we simply wait until he does it again, but makes sure he can have me killed?"

"He was not trying to have you killed. He tried to do what you could not."

"What he was attempting has little bearing on what he actually did. I should have foreseen this would happen. Expecting to raise the treachery out of him was foolish of me. He is of Jotunheim, he will always act as they do. Lying, scheming, and deceiving. It is their way. I should have left him there to die."

Frigga does not respond immediately and Loki cannot decide if she is horrified or sadly agreeing with her husband. He is frozen in place, hoping he will have an answer soon.

"I cannot believe you would say such a thing, after all these years loving him as our own child."

"Love him or no, what he did shows that he does not love us as he should. I will send him back to his own kind. Perhaps he will be a better fit with his family there."

There are footsteps toward the door, but Loki still cannot command his feet. Odin stops when she speaks.

"He fits with his family here."

"This conversation is over."

"If you do this, I will no longer let you claim me as your wife."

Again, silence, but this one shorter and when he replies, he is angry, "You would reject your husband?"

"If my husband steals my son from me, I will have no husband."

"We will discuss this later."

But Frigga is not finished, "We will not. I have raised him these centuries as my own, disregarding his place of birth. You cannot now force me to throw him away because of it. I will not forgive you this."

"So be it."

Loki bolts from the door and hides in a doorway down a nearby hall. He waits until he sees the king pass before fleeing. He does not know where he is going and he does not care. He keeps moving until he sees the statue of his grandmother near the rose courtyard. Dropping to the ground, he tucks himself between her skirts and the wall.

His breathing is ragged, barely controlled panic, when someone kneels and places a hand on his shoulder, "Come. We will talk someplace more comfortable."

His eyes meet Volstagg's and he shrinks back into the stone, "No. I do not want to go where he might find me."

"Who?"

"My fath...," he cannot finish the word.

"Oh? Did he decide on a punishment?"

"I think yes, though he has not told me."

"Then how do you know it will be terrible?"

"Because I heard him arguing with Mother about it."

"Ah. Then he has not made it final."

"I am certain he has. Please, leave me alone."

"I will pour you good mead. Or make tea, whichever you prefer."

"No! I do not want him to send me there- I cannot be found!"

Volstagg is very concerned, "Send you where?"

Loki whispers, "Jotunheim. He wants to send me back to Jotunheim."

"Your mother will never let that happen."

"He needs permission from no one."

"All men would do well to fear separating their wives from the children."

"He will not. He will not. He will not."

Volstagg sighs, "I will bring something to warm you. Do not disappear."

Loki does not know why he stays, but he waits, wedging himself closer to the wall every time someone passes. Volstagg brings hot tea, one for each of them, and sits. They sip the tea without speaking. When they finish, Loki thanks him. Volstagg does not like the look in his eyes- broken and resigned. He returns the teacups to the kitchens and then goes to alert Thor that he needs to keep a close eye on his little brother.

That night, Loki is roused from his bed by the sound of hushed voices. He sits up and sees lanterns near the door casting light on familiar faces.

"He has asked you to take me away, hasn't he?"

The others hush while Hogun answers, "Yes."

"May I bring anything with me?"

"Your winter cloak and a satchel."

He looks around his room, his heart sinking, and slips out of bed.

"No weapons."

Loki carefully folds two changes of clothes into his bag and slips a book between them. There is barely space for his writing kit and a small stuffed creature he loved all through his childhood beside the six pairs of extra socks. He reaches for his armour, but Hogun stops him with a word. Instead he changes into warmer clothes, thick woolen trousers and a long sweater tunic knit by his mother. With his winter cloak, boots, and mittens, he allows Hogun, Sif, and Fandral to escort him through the darkened halls.

Heimdall opens the gate, "Good luck. Do not attempt to hide yourself from me. Should you do so, the All-Father has promised to come to Jotunheim."

Loki says nothing, but steps out onto the bridge. He soon feels the cold on his face. He does not know where he is. The dark is nearly absolute. He stumbles forward, not even certain if he is on a path or heading toward any sort of civilisation. The snow coats his lashes, the wind stings his face. He loses feeling in his hands first, then his feet. He drops to the ground and curls in on himself, praying that he will either freeze to death quickly or that Heimdall will intervene, unwilling to let him die.

Rescue does not come before he loses consciousness.


	3. Chapter 3

Loki wakes to the sound of a crackling fire. Something heavy is draped over him. He slowly opens his eyes. He wonders if he is dead and this is some sort of afterlife. His surroundings come into focus. A blue creature stirs a cauldron over the fire. Loki watches for a moment before pushing himself up.

"Ah. Little one, you wake."

"Yes. I do."

"You fell asleep on the ground. Why did you not return to your encampment?"

"Encampment?"

"You are from one of the armies resting nearby, are you not? A page, perhaps, judging by your age?"

He is confused as he takes off his mittens until he sees the colour of his skin. Blue. Like theirs.

"I am from no encampment. I...my story is a bit of a mess. I do not wish to tell it."

"You speak as though you are grown, but you appear young."

"I assure you, I am grown." Or near enough, he thinks. He has not quite come of age.

His host dishes two bowls of something that smells delicious from the cauldron and offers him one, "Sit. Take some supper. You have slept through the day and you must be hungry." He accepts the stew and eats heartily. "Do you have a name?"

"Loki."

"Well, Loki. I, Cor, welcome you to my home. Dine and rest."

Loki's eyes are closed mere moments after he settles back into the bed.

In the morning, Cor makes breakfast and asks Loki to talk as they sip something sweet and mulled, "I thank you for your hospitality, Cor. But I have lost far more these past few days than I thought possible. I hope you will forgive me if I cannot repay your kindness with my story."

"But why not?"

"Because I fear that I will be killed if I tell it."

Cor eyes him suspiciously, "Ought I fear you?"

"No. But you ought to take me to your king. Then I will tell my story and perhaps he will let you listen."

Cor agrees and it is not long before they set off into the cold, Loki leaving his cloak behind, his sweater draped over his satchel. He wonders if his appearance reverted to his native one only after his blood turned to ice.

When they arrive at the temple, Loki hopes the new king does not know he killed the previous one only days before.

Cor leads him to the heart of the complex, kneeling before the throne, "King Leif. I found a guest on the ice last night. He is quite small, but one of us and grown. He wishes to speak to you."

Leif regards him suspiciously, "You found him? In what manner?"

"He appeared to be cold."

"One of us, cold?"

"I attribute it to his small size, my liege."

"Your name, runt?"

Loki bites his tongue, keeping his sarcasm in check, "Loki, sir." He bows.

"And how did you come to be where you were?"

"I...I was banished here. By Odin All-Father."

There is a flurry of activity around Leif and Loki is forced to the ground, ice knives at his throat, "Do not say that name here."

"It will make telling my story difficult."

"Who are you?"

"The adopted child of Asgard's king. I have always been told he rescued me from this place, an infant left to die on the ice. I do not know if this is still true. He has decided to return me. Do with me what you wish."

He hears whispers around him. They think he is a spy. Someone shouts that he ought be killed. Loki bows his head. He hopes his mother will not mourn too deeply.


	4. Chapter 4

In Asgard, Thor realizes he has not seen Loki for far too long. When he enters Loki's room, he notices the large book normally open on his desk is missing. He is not in the library. He asks Sif and she is quiet. Too quiet. He asks Fandral, who says he has not seen him that morning.

He corners Volstagg, "He overheard a conversation between the All-Father and All-Mother that led him to believe he would be sent to Jotunheim."

Thor's face falls, "No. They cannot. If Jotunheim knows what he has done..."

"Seek out your mother." Without another word, Thor is gone.

Frigga is sitting in her drawing room when Thor enters without knocking, "Where is he?" Her eyes are red and he knows that Volstagg has told him the truth, "Where did you send him?"

"Not I. But Jotunheim."

"They will kill him."

"I do not think your father particularly cares at the moment."

"Speak to him. Make him bring Loki home."

"I cannot."

"Why? Why will you not fight for him?" He stops himself from saying far worse things.

Frigga stands, proud, "I told your father I would no longer be his wife should he send away my son. I will fight for him on my own. If you help me, it will likely anger your father."

"You did what?"

"I made him choose his pride or his family."

"I will bring my brother home."

"Not by force. We must be better than that."

"I will speak to Father."

Frigga brushes Thor's hair back from his face as she did so many times through his childhood, "Be careful. I cannot stand to lose you as well."

Thor knows she is remembering his banishment, "I will be." He leaves her chambers for the training yards. He needs to destroy something before he speaks to his father lest his anger rule him.

A few hours later, he is ready.

While he confers with the All-Father, the All-Mother summons her ladies and begins to separate her life from his.


	5. Chapter 5

Loki is thrown into the dungeons. The elders had quickly reallised his parentage and that his claim to the throne is more legitimate than Leif's. Even though he protested that he had no interest in the throne, there had been loud calls for his immediate execution and volunteers to do so.

Sitting in his cell, he wonders just why he is feeling grateful to have so narrowly escaped with his life when he had hoped to freeze to death on arrival. Perhaps because freezing to death seemed so simple while execution will likely be brutal, tortuous. They are still discussing his fate upstairs. He sees no one else in the dungeon and hears nothing to indicate there are any other prisoners. He settles onto the cold stone bench and stares at the wall, trying not to think about what his mother must be going through.

He occupies his time with his illusions, practicing his duplication and hiding himself so one of his duplicates can act in his stead. He cannot make any of these replicas look as he does now. He creates a mirror on the opposite wall and stares at his reflection, disgusted. But this is what he is, and this is where he is. He cannot force his skin back to the colour he is used to, but he can wear an illusion and he immediately begins working on his second skin.

Cor is sent to retrieve him and finds him concentrating. His hand appears Aesir. When Loki hears his footsteps, the illusion falls and it is once again blue.

"You are wanted upstairs."

"Will they kill me?"

"I do not know. But we will find out very soon." He unlocks the cell and Loki grimly follows, his hand resting on the sweater draped over his satchel, "Why do you seek to look like them?"

"For the entirety of my life, I have been clad in that skin. I do not know how. I have only known of this other appearance for but a few days and it still disturbs me."

"Though you are small, you are quite handsome. You ought not seek to change back. Their pale skin is ill suited to stealth. They can always be seen in the dark; their bodies cannot tolerate the cold. Why would you wish to be one of them?"

"It is all I have ever known."

Cor thinks as they ascend the stairs, "You were never told where you were brought from?"

"I was not told I was brought at all. Not until a few days ago."

"You believed you were the son of the king?"

"Yes. Every time he spoke of the future he gave me no reason to doubt."

"This must be disorienting."

"Very. As, I admit, is having this conversation. We are taught as children that those of Jotunheim are bitter, angry monsters set on destroying the Aesir. We are not taught you...we...are creatures of thought and compassion."

"Consider the years of abuse from Asgard. Would you, too, not be wary and untrusting?"

"It is likely how I shall be for the rest of my life."

Cor shakes his head, "If there is anyone left in Asgard who cares for you, do not let this destroy you."

They approach the throne and Loki is forced to his knees, "You will always kneel. While you appear one of us, you are not. You are their pet." Leif spits on him, "We do not take kindly to being thrown Asgard's trash."

Loki says nothing.

"But we will not kill you. That would be what Asgard wants. We will keep you. You will serve me; you will be closely watched." He gestures to his guards and the bag is torn from Loki's shoulder, the sweater falling at his knees. He watches as they dump the contents on the ground. They ignore the clothes, stuffing them back in the bag, and page through the book. His writing kit is partially ruined as they shove the pages beside his socks. They stare at the misshapen toy. One tosses it to another.

"Please. Stop. I know it is just a silly thing, but it reminds me of better times." The toy is thrown to Leif. He locks eyes with Loki and tugs on the creature's head. Loki feels a mixture of resigned sadness and panic, but he does not speak. He clutches the sweater to his chest and fights tears.

"My lord, he has little. What harm is the toy to him? He will likely serve you better if you allow him to keep these comforts." Cor's intervention works. Leif throws the toy to Loki and he holds it close. The bag is dropped beside him.

"You advise well, Cor. He will. Perhaps he will even gratefully follow unpleasant orders if he knows these things are at stake."

Loki knows this is a threat, "Of course, my liege. I will do the best I am capable."

"Good. The guards will show you to your cell."

With that, Loki is chained and roughly dragged to a tiny cell close to the king's chambers. His chains are removed when he is locked in. There is a chamber pot in one corner, a stone bench along one wall. He sits on the bench and carefully rearranges his bag, tucking the spare socks in the sweater as a makeshift pillow. He drops off into a fitful sleep.

A week passes and he finds his service to the king to be quite terrible. The guards tug at his chains and cause him to stumble, he is given a thin gruel once a day. He has trouble sleeping and the bench causes bruises where his joints rest. His tasks are often intentionally degrading and he tries not to think as he carries out orders. After two weeks, he decides that no one in Asgard is worried about him. He convinces himself by the third week that even his mother must have forgotten him.

He does not know when Thor arrives to negotiate for his release. Nor does he know that Thor is sent away with no promises that he is even alive.

He has just marked the start of the tenth week in his book when there is a commotion outside his cell door. It is unlocked and he stands, his arms outstretched, waiting for the chains. They do not come. Thor enters instead. Loki stares, his arms still in front of him, wrists up, expecting shackles.

"Brother? Do you know me?"

Loki slowly lowers his arms, "Yes," he whispers, "Of course I do."

"I have come to bring you home."

"I have no home."

Thor places a hand on Loki's shoulder, causing him to flinch, "You always have a home, Brother, wherever I am."

"No. He-."

"Mother said I was not to let you protest. Pack your bag. She is expecting us."

Loki does as he is told and, follows Thor from the cell. He thinks that possibly he should stand proud, as though this were a triumphal exit, a victory, but he cannot. Fear of Odin rules him and he thinks he would rather be Leif's slave than face the wrath of his adoptive father when he discovers that Thor has broken his exile.

When Thor calls for Heimdall to carry them home, Loki closes his eyes and hopes that Heimdall will possibly drop him somewhere else. He lags behind Thor as they walk from the bridge towards the palace. He does not look at Heimdall. Heimdall stares stonily at him. As soon as they are walking the streets between the bridge and the palace, Loki puts a hastily made plan into action.

Thor keeps talking, "Mother has set herself up in the east tower to remind herself that the sun always rises. She will find you a place there if you do not wish your childhood chambers. You will be safe from Father, she will not let him near you." He stops to listen, but Loki does not answer. He turns and Loki nods to him. He goes to clap his brother on the shoulder and his hand passes through the illusion. Thor looks around, frantic, but Loki is long gone and heading for a portal that will take him farther still.

 


	6. Chapter 6

When Thor tells Frigga he has lost Loki, he expects her to scold him. They worked so hard to secure his release and he has made a mess of it.

"I expected reluctance, not this. I should have. Did you tell him he was loved? Did you tell him I am no longer wife to the All-Father?"

"Yes. And still he fled."

"Search for him. Carefully, cautiously. He acts as though he were a wounded beast."

"He was weak when I found him, Mother. He did not appear well."

"Then he will not long be able to hold his illusion."

"What illusion?"

"Did he appear Aesir when you arrived?" Thor nods, "Wherever he travels, he will seek to appear as they do."

Thor takes her hand, "I swear, Mother, I will find him and bring him home."

"Be gentle. He is fragile."

 


	7. Chapter 7

Loki lands in Midgard in a bustling city. He quickly glances at his hands. Pale. He sighs in relief. The illusion is holding, but he is weak. He takes in his surroundings. He has come through into an alley full of rubbish. He can see the street beyond and the bright light of midday, but it does not penetrate far between the two monstrous buildings. He shrinks into the shadows and waits for nightfall.

It is only after dark that he dares to venture onto the street. He is hungry and he starts wandering, hoping to find someplace to scavenge food. He has never had to procure food this way, but he knows how to steal, having filched from the kitchens on numerous occasions. He does not want to take the risk of being found by the authorities, so he tries to pretend he belongs in this strange place.

He smells something good and follows the scent to a restaurant. He walks around the building, looking for away to sneak in. Someone dumps something into a large metal bin and when he thinksno one is watching, he creeps to it and opens the lid. Someone else joins him.

"Smells good, don't it?"

"Yes."

"Well don't just wait for the flies to get to it, take what you can."

The other person begins to dig through the rubbish for edibles and Loki watches him to learn what he can try.

"You new to this, boy?"

"Yes."

"You don't say much."

"No. There is little to say."

"You sure talk fancy, though. Must have gone to school somewhere far from here."

"Indeed."

"How'd you end up out here?"

"I made mistakes my father could not forgive."

"Ah. You have anybody back home?"

"My mother, perhaps."

"Go home, kid. The streets'll eat you." He hands Loki a few rolls and a carton of something still hot, "Here. Somebody never picked up their order. Looks pretty good. And then go find a way to live with your dad until you've got your feet under you."

"Thank you, but I do not think I can do such. He is unforgiving."

"Good luck, then. But don't stay out here if you've got another choice." He pulls his own carton from the rubbish, "Score! Another missed order. G'night, kid. I've got a feast ahead of me."

Loki parts ways with the other dumpster-diver and finds a bench in a nearby park. He eats quickly and carries the carton with him until he sees someone else putting rubbish in a smaller metal bin. He follows suit. He wanders the streets until he is too tired to take another step. He curls up in a doorway off an alley and sleeps.

 


	8. Chapter 8

Thor searches. He sends Hogun to Vanaheim. He does not trust Sif and Fandral. Volstagg is assigned Alfenheim. They will look in less friendly realms later. Thor returns to Midgard and to Jane. She gives him little hope- there are many ways to hide in Midgard and Loki could easily disappear in any number of cities. He begins to search libraries, museums, and any place where art and culture are served free of charge. He begins in London, where she is living, and continues across Europe.

In Germany, something catches his eye. A disturbance at a gala where a strange, very tall cloaked creature slaughters guests and carries off a human head. He is appalled and tries to stop the carnage, but the creature is strong, magical, and vanishes in a moment. Two men stride in after the battle has finished and command him to drop Mjolner and come with them. He fights, runs, flies. One flies after.

In the forest, they fight again. The sarcastic man in the metal suit and the son of Odin. Then the other one returns, deposited him in the middle of the fight. They stand, staring at one another after the might of Mjolner meets the Shield.

Thor goes with them. He does not know where he might find Loki, but he knows that his hammer is one of the strongest weapons in the realms and there is nothing Midgard possesses that can defeat whatever it was he saw tearing through the gala guests. He tells himself his brother and lover are in this realm and thusly he must defend Midgard.

He explains only a little that he is searching for his brother. He does not tell them why Loki fled. There is no need and he does not like the picture it would paint of his father.

Thor learns the tall caped creature has, apparently, stolen something called a Tesseract and some rare metal. They think he is building a weapon. Thor wishes for Loki's cunning- he feels slow and stupid compared to the Metal Man. Given the look often on the face of the man with the Mjolner-defeating Shield, he understands he is not the only one.

When they realise that the weapon needs a source of power only equal to that which the Metal Man's building can provide, they fly to New York City and Thor finds himself in the midst of a war that can only end with obliteration. He does not understand what has happened, or how he has lost sight of finding his brother and instead is fighting to preserve one of the Nine from creatures he has never seen before, creatures that must exist in the space between the realms. He does not know what is in this space, but he has always feared it. Yet his younger brother nearly chose it instead of returning to the family. Thor shudders, but he knows it is not the giant metal-clad beast swimming between the skyscrapers that has momentarily chilled him.

In an alley not far from Stark Tower, Loki huddles under a mess of ragged blankets, praying that he will survive the roar of buildings collapsing around him. He is terrified. Other homeless people cluster with him.

"What do you think is happening?"

"Is it aliens, momma?"

"I don't know, honey."

"Did you see the size of that thing? What the hell is it!?"

"Are those...are those from space?"

"Holy shit, that's Captain America!"

"Iron Man's with him! They'll save us, just you see!"

Loki creeps to the entry of the alley just in time to see something large and green blur past, smashing through the creatures, ripping them from their flying machines, and roaring as the beasts pass overhead. He retreats back to the huddled masses, not sure if that thing was something trying to save them or not.

Part of the building above them groans and he speaks for the first time, "Oh no... Everyone, run!" The others are so surprised that they listen and follow him into the fray as the building collapses into the alley. He leads them well, quickly dodging between burning cars, making sure they stay together, and helping carry the man with only one leg. From somewhere unseen, police officers appear and help usher them to a safer location where they watch with hundreds of others.

Loki recognizes a red cloak fluttering behind someone ripping apart one of the flying creatures and his heart leaps into his throat. He is not sure whether to laugh or cry, to be glad that his brother is there among the heroes or to flee. Then something odd happens. One of the other flying men takes something directly into the portal.

"My god, it's Iron Man!"

"Did he just fly a nuke into there?"

"Who the fuck tried to nuke us?! We're still down here!"

"Oh my god, the government just tried to kill us."

"So he saved us twice!"

"Why isn't he flying?"

"What's wrong with Iron Man?"

And then everything ends as suddenly as it started. There are no more aliens pouring out of the sky, the portal closes, and everyone wonders if they just saw one of their heroes die.

The police usher people back and try to keep order in the crowd. Loki makes a choice. He drops the spells that hide him from Heimdall to have the strength to vanish from the police's watch, making his way unseen towards the chaos. He has been homeless for months. He is weak, he is exhausted, and he is scared. He still hurts, yes, but he needs to see his brother, even if only to disappear again after. It is only after he drops the illusion of invisibility that he realizes he is running, using every last bit of his strength to reach Thor and to maintain his skin colour. He hears something roar and follows the sound, tears streaming down his face. His thoughts are racing and though he is terrified of Odin, he cannot stop himself. He prays he can reach Thor before Heimdall whisks him away.

When he rounds the corner and sees his brother kneeling beside Iron Man, he pants his name and collapses on the rubble. Captain America raises his shield. Thor leaves Mjolner beside his battlemates and runs to Loki. His skin is an odd colour, the blue showing through as he struggles to keep up the illusion.

Thor gathers him in his arms, "Loki, I have searched for you so long."

"Do not take me to him."

"You are skeletal...where have you been hiding? Wait. Do not speak. There will be time for such things later. Come, we must feed you. Anthony speaks of shawarma."

Loki barely nods. He is far too tired. He does not know what shawarma is, but he does not care. So long as he does not have to move. Thor carries him and he manages to muster the strength to keep up his illusion in the dim lighting while sampling shawarma. When they finish, Thor once again gathers him up. He would flee if he could, but his brother is warm and the scent of his skin familiar and a comfort, even after battle.

Thor cradles his brother as they say their goodbyes. He is barely conscious and Thor is very careful as he shifts him to shake hands with the others. He looks so fragile, his body gaunt. The spell is fading when he calls to Heimdall. Loki is sleeping deeply against him when they land and Thor is reminded of so many childhood adventures that ended with a very small Loki curled up in his arms, exhausted. His instinct is to protect him as he did then. He finds himself surrounded, weapons raised, every blade pointed at him. He is momentarily confused, but realizes that they are reaching for Loki of Jotunheim who sleeps in his arms. He holds him tighter, turns away, and swears they will not take him. But he cannot fight them off while holding his brother. They pry him away and Loki wakes disoriented, crying for Thor's help, struggling and scrambling to escape. Thor tries to tell them to be careful while reassuring Loki that he will fix things, but they drag him away in chains, Thor held back by Heimdall.

"Why do you betray me? He is still my brother, I do not care what Father decrees."

"The All-Father imprisons him for the good of Asgard. I must obey the order I was given."

"And why? You have disobeyed unjust orders before."

"It has only caused strife. Bide your time, Odinson."

Thor tosses his hand from his arm, "My brother is weak and needs care, not the dungeons. I cannot bide time that he does not have." He follows the soldiers so that he can give orders to the dungeonmaster. He cannot free Loki, the orders of the All-Father are binding, but he can mitigate them.

 


	9. Chapter 9

When Frigga learns her youngest son has returned to the palace and no one told her immediately of his arrival, she is furious. The guards are loyal to her husband and she is certain that he ordered that she be kept in the dark. It is only thanks to Heimdall, who refuses to take a side, that she knows at all.

She meets Thor as he is leaving the dungeons, "Where is he? And why did you not tell me he had arrived?"

"Father had us met with chains. He was sleeping in my arms and they dragged him from me. He is very weak. I had to see to his care first."

"Where has he been?"

"Midgard. But that is all I know. He is to tired to speak."

She brushes past him, "He was weak when you found him in Jotunheim and yet he still managed to hide from us all this time."

"Mother, let him rest."

"There is no rest in the dungeons." She descends the stairs and demands to see Loki. He is laying curled up in the corner of a bare cell when she enters. She kneels beside him and strokes his hair. He does not stir. She begins giving orders to the guards. The hesitate, but the look in her eyes is fearsome. Before long, there is a proper bed in the cell and Thor is beside her, lifting him to its comfort. She kisses his forehead.

"Mother, how is it that we can touch him? He is...in this form. Should his touch not freeze our skin as it did when one of them touched us in Jotunheim?"

"He can touch us because I have made it possible."

"But his skin..."

"That was your father's work, a gift meant to be revoked at a whim."

"And yours cannot be?"

"Only if he asks. Otherwise, he will always be able to touch those he loves."

"And if he ceases to love us?"

"Then he will be able to feel the touch of those who love him despite it."

Thor takes comfort in his mother's steadfast belief that Loki is still her child. Frigga is beside him every day, bringing breakfast and tucking him in at night until the day she finds the dungeons barred to her. She returns to her chambers and her scrying bowl. If she cannot visit her son in his cell, she will do so through other ways.

It takes some time for him to recover enough to easily move about his cell. He hardly remembers his mother's visits. He longs for her touch and to curl against her. Thor visits on occasion, but he wants to talk and Loki wishes for silence with his thoughts. He writes nearly every day, a few lines here, a few lines there. When he does want to talk, all he has in his mind are questions. He writes every question down, hoping to some day get to ask them in person, rather than to an illusion.

His anger with Odin only grows. How could he adopt a frost giant? How could he tolerate the monster under his roof? How was it possible for him to think that he could raise him anything but what he was? How can he not understand why he tried to be the hero? And how could he be so cruel as to tear him from Thor when they returned? Every day, the questions eat at him. He has always thought Odin cool towards him, but he did not think his own father would cut him out of his life entirely. But that is exactly what has happened. To stop the gnawing questions, he works to convince himself that Odin is not his father. He has forgotten about his younger son, so his younger son will forget about him.

But this leaves the problem of Frigga. He does love her. He loves her so dearly that he believes his heart will simply stop when hers does. He knows the conversation on this will not be easy. But left alone to his thoughts, his pain rules him and he blames Odin for everything. His actions, his poorly conceived plan to defeat Jotunheim and be the hero, does not factor into his thoughts, merely a catalyst for something that would have happened anyway.

The next time Frigga projects herself into his cell, he is in a foul mood and has been thinking of how different things would have been had his plan not failed, "The dungeon is filling. Does Odin plan on emptying the Nine of all those who think against him?"

She ignores him, "The books I sent, do they not interest you?"

"Is that how I am to while away eternity? Reading?"

"I've done everything in my power to make you comfortable."

"Have you? Does Odin share your concern?"

"You know that my relationship with your father is strained, at best."

"He is not my father. A father would not send his son to die in Jotunheim."

"Then am I not your mother?"

He hates his answer, "If one must come with the other, no. But if you can be separated from him, I would hope that you might still be my mother, even if I cannot claim him."

"You know that in our world, denying your father is to deny your entire family. Your mother. Your brother."

"I cannot call him father. I have tried, and the word is bitter on my tongue."

"I know."

He reaches to touch her and she dissolves. His heart sinks. He does not know if she will visit again if he is not her son.

He is not aware that Thor has not visited him in days because of the Convergence. He does not know of the strange things happening in Midgard, nor does he know of the Aether that surges through Jane. He knows lonliness and guilt.

When the prisoner incinerates the others in his cell, Loki is fascinated. He watches as other prisoners are released, wondering if this is his good fortune as well. But it is not to be. He thinks nothing of telling the creature to take the left stairs, assuming it will lead to more soldiers and its death.

 


	10. Chapter 10

Loki watches the melee outside of his cell with mild interest. It is something new and the first time he has seen his brother in many days. Thor looks well and he is happy to have this moment of connection. He wonders if he might get a few moments after the fighting stops for a visit.

But after the prisoners are returned to their cells, either by brute force or their surrender, Thor leads his friends in a charge upstairs without even a glance back at his brother. Loki drops to his bed and sulks. A prisoner riot is no reason to ignore him, especially since he did not start it. Then something shakes the palace. It sounds like an explosion. Loki's mind races. Could that large, firey prisoner have blown something up? Was this a bigger scheme? He fiddles anxiously with the edge of the bedsheet. He knows Thor goes into battle often, but it is always somewhere else. Somewhere far from home. He decides to practice his illusions to pass the time and before long, a regal Loki is pacing the cell, hands behind his back, while he sits invisible on the bed.

When they bring him the news, it is his illusion that reacts. No one sees him, still sitting on the bed, jaw trembling, eyes filling with tears. Frigga is dead. While the illusion turns and expresses his grief with a single cell-shaking burst of energy, Loki himself feels sick. He heaves in the corner. Then he screams and the cell shakes, furnishings flying, pages scattering. He hears breaking glass and hopes something strikes him dead. He cannot stop screaming. He falls against the wall and slams his head into it repeatedly until he has no energy left and he is dizzy. He slides down the wall, heavy sobs shaking his body. He clutches his hair, pulling his head to his knees.

Thor wants to be the one to tell Loki the news but when he asks the guards if he might have a moment alone with his brother, he is told they have already informed him. He is surprised at how neat the cell is. He expected a more destructiver reaction.

Loki has had plenty of time to lay the blame for Frigga's death on both himself and Odin by the time Thor arrives. He hides behind bitterness.

"Have you come to boast of your victory over the evil that attacked this place? Are Asgard's King and Prince basking in the glory?"

"Loki enough. No more illusions."

The man at the front of the cell vanishes and Thor sees an Aesir Loki sitting against the wall, his hair a knotted mess, his clothes rumpled, tear streaks down his cheeks. Bloody smudges on the floor lead from the centre of the room to the wall. There are cuts on his feet and when he spreads his hands to speak, Thor sees them on his hands as well.

"Now you see me brother."

Thor shakes his head, "You have made a mess of yourself."

"Were you to come in, you would find it is worse than you think."

"You express your grief eloquently."

"Did she suffer?"

"I did not come here to share our grief. Instead I offer you the chance of a far richer sacrament."

Loki is weary, but curious, "Go on."

"I know you seek vengeance as much as I do. You help me escape Asgard and I will grant it to you; vengeance. And afterward, this cell. Father will not allow you your freedom, but I can bargain with him for a comfortable imprisonment."

"You must be truly desperate to come to me for help."

"Then you agree?"

"When do we start?"

"As soon as you are fit for battle."

"You do not wish for me to terrify our enemies with my appearance of madness?"

"Our enemies are madder yet. You would not surprise them."

Thor smuggles Loki from the cell and to his chambers. As he has done so many times in the past, he helps his brother into his armour. Then he commands Loki to sit and he brushes his wild hair, plaiting back the front strands so they will stay out of his way. Loki is quiet as Thor tends to his hair. His heart is heavy and he knows this is one of many last brotherly moments he is likely to have, at least until Odin's death. The thought of Odin's death brings mixed feelings and reminds him his mother is gone.

Thor notices Loki's silence and the droop of his once-proud shoulders, "Brother, you mourn. We will have time for such things after vengeance." Loki takes a deep, shuddering, breath and Thor softens, "And mourn we will. Together. As brothers."

"They have already sent her on, haven't they." It is not a question. Loki is certain.

"Yes."

"Then no, we will not. You have had your time to bid her farewell. Mine was denied."

"Father-"

"He is no father that would deny his son the chance to mourn his mother."

"Then you deny her as well."

"She is dead. She is no longer here to deny."

"Then you deny me."

"We were never brothers by blood, but rather by spirit. In this realm, those things are very different."

Thor is prepared to be offended, to call off the quest for vengeance, when he realizes that Loki is telling him something profound- he may deny his blood, but he does not deny that he is his brother. Thor hugs him.

Loki shoves him away, a mildly annoyed small smile appearing on his lips for a brief moment, "Oh, bugger off, you dolt."

And then they begin their adventure.

Sif intervenes with the first group of guards they encounter, "If you betray him, I will kill you."

Loki considers telling her to go jump off a cliff but thinks better of it, "I have no such intentions."

Thor drags him on. When Volstagg comes between them and the advancing troops as they approach Malekith's vessel, Loki expects that his opinion has been tainted by the others.

"Loki, stay true. You have work to do."

"Thank you. I shall."

"And do not get any ideas in your head of conquest. If you do..."

"Sif has already staked claim on me. There will be a line."

Volstagg laughs and dives into the fray. Thor, now escorting Jane, calls to Loki from the ship and he boards. They argue as they always have, Loki criticizing Thor as he runs into the columns, then into the buildings outside. Thor shoves him from the ship and jumps after. Fandral, ever the hero, is witty and dashing as he goes about the business of making sure that they can escape.

At the helm of the skiff, Loki is free. The wind on his skin has always had a cleansing effect and this moment is no different. Everything from the past months melts from his mind. Anger, pain, resentment. The hole in his heart is laid bare, stripped of its protection. He lets it rise, closing his eyes briefly. The grief is overpowering and he lets the wind wash it away.

With a clear head, Loki navigates the skiff towards the gateway to Svartalfheim, "Loki…."

"It if were easy, everyone would do it."

"Are you mad?"

"Possibly." And then they enter the cave, the skiff screeching along the walls, the colours of the Bifrost sparking between the metal and the stone; they burst through to Svartalfheim, "Ta da!"

Thor tends to Jane. She is unconscious. Loki watches, understanding only a little what Thor is feeling as he grieves their mother and contemplates the loss of his lover. Loki has no lover, and has not ever had one, so he does not know what it would be to lose them. He imagines it would be unbearable.

He kneels beside Thor, speaking softly, "Say goodbye."

"Not this day."

"This day, the next, a hundred years, it's nothing. It's a heartbeat. You'll never be ready. The only woman whose love you prized will be snatched from you." He is not bitter- the wind did its work. He is realizing that all things must end. It saddens him that he has no one to love him as Jane loves Thor and that he likely never will. He cannot imagine a world in which one of Jotunheim is accepted in Asgard and he knows he would have to reveal this to any lover. It would not be fair for her to discover this when a child is born blue.

Thor, however, does not hear this in his voice, "Accept defeat? Will that satisfy you?"

"Satisfaction is not in my nature."

"Surrender is not in mine."

"The son of Odin-"

Thor only hears the distain for Odin in Loki's voice, not the sadness, but it is there, and as he is grieving too, his anger boils over, "No. Not just of Odin. You think you alone were loved of Mother? You had her tricks, but I had her trust."

"Her tricks? Yes, she taught me the art of illusion. But to call it merely a trick? Has it never occurred to you that perhaps these tricks have saved our lives time and time again? That she trusted me and me alone to use these skills well?"

"And have you? You have used them to deceive me. To deceive her. To slip from our fingers and flee from this place. Had you not run when she and I worked to retrieve you from Jotunheim..."

"What? You would have had me locked away earlier?"

"You would have been free to fight beside us! What help were you in your cell?"

"Who put me there? Who put me there? You committed treason, an act of war, and were exiled to prove yourself worthy, allowed to return to their love! I try to finish the work you started and-"

Thor knocks him back and crouches over him, holding him down, "You do not blame me for this!" He takes a swing at Loki, but seeing the resignation in Loki's eyes, he stops the punch, "She wouldn't want us to fight."

"Well she wouldn't exactly be shocked."

They share a smile and Thor offers Loki a hand. Loki accepts it and brushes himself off. They plan their course of action carefully, avoiding discussion of the family or Asgard. It will only bring another argument. But Loki is thinking, the gears in his mind always spinning. He should have been there. He could have saved her. He told the creature to take the stairs on the left. Neither brother knows that the illusions he treasures, that Thor sees only as trickery, are the reason Jane is alive and in their care, the reason this is a vengeance mission instead of a rescue or worse, a mission to retrieve another body.

Jane sits up, changed by the Aether. They approach Malekith and land the skiff and Thor turns to both Jane and Loki, "All right. Are you ready?" Jane nods and Loki agrees. Thor pulls him aside a moment as they disembark.

Loki sighs, "You know, this plan of yours is going to get us killed?"

"Yes, possibly"

Loki smiles, it is all part of the plan, part of the performance for Malekith, "Goodbye, Odinson." He stabs Thor and throws him down the hill. Or, rather, he creates a beautiful illusion of Thor tumbling, injured, down the hill. But he plays his own part, as does Jane. It would be far too risky to create the entire thing an illusion, and Thor has a part to play as well. He must be in the right place at the proper time or it will all fall to pieces.

"Do you really think I cared about Frigga? About anybody? All I ever wanted was you and Odin, dead at my feet!" And Thor is where he ought to be, right behind the false him. Loki cuts off his hand and grabs Jane, throwing her to Malekith.

"Malekith! I am Loki of Jotunheim, and I bring you a gift! I ask only one thing return. A good seat from which to watch Asgard burn."

Thor mimics the posture of his defeated self, he waits for the right time. Jane hovers. The Aether hovers. Thor sees the moment and gives the cue. Loki drops the illusion and Thor calls Mjolner as Loki becomes a shield between Jane and Malekith.

Thor cannot destroy it. He knows he must, for the sake not only of the entire Nine Realms, but for the woman he loves dearly. It has harmed her, it must die. He glances over to Loki and Jane as Malekith draws the Aether into himself. His brother is careful, gentle, as he helps her up. He cannot help but think having a sister, even if only for the span of a human life, might be good for Loki. But he cannot stop to think for too long. Malekith is escaping and thier attempt to stop him fails. The creature uses one of its grenades and Loki shoves Jane aside. He does not think of himself, even as he is sucked into the portal it creates. It seems a fitting end, this darkness, and he does not resist, welcoming the idea that he may no longer have to grapple with his identity, Odin's distain for his entire species, or losing his mother.

But Thor saves him and they fight together, Jane tucked between the rocks, both of them keeping an eye on her. And they are separated. Loki dances with his knives. They are extensions of his hands, elegant as they slice and stab, finding his target with precision. He is an efficient killer, and always has been. There are no illusions this time, only brutality. He dispatches his enemies and turns to watch Thor being bludgeoned repeatedly by the creature. He does what he has to do to get its attention. He runs it through. And it notices, giving Thor a moment's reprieve and the time to call Mjolner to his hand.

And the creature runs him through in turn, Thor's shocked silence louder than any other sound in the ruined realm. The creature flings Loki aside as though he were a doll. Loki smiles, a little victory in the pain, as the grenade at its waist sucks it into the void.

Thor kneels beside Loki, gathering him in his arms. The moment between the brothers seems to hang for an eternity, and all Loki can do is apologise for everything in short, halting breaths. Thor reassures him, tells him to stay, and strokes his hair. Loki goes still, barely breathing, his face greying, possibly even with a hint of the blue from Jotunheim, his last energies spent to maintain the illusion that he is Aesir.

"I'll tell Father what you did here today."

"I didn't do it for him."

Thor roars in anguish. Jane places a hand on his shoulder and he is reminded that there are other tasks that need attending.

"Malekith is heading for where the Convergence thing will let him destroy everything. I saw it. We need to get moving."

"Where?"

"Greenwich. England. It's a really pretty place if he doesn't mess it up."

Thor looks down at Loki's body, "I cannot leave him."

"No one will touch him. If we survive this and stop the world from ending, you can come back for him. If we don't...well, it won't really matter, will it?"

They head for the tunnel. Jane's phone rings.

Loki's body has gone cold, but something is knitting him back together. He does not know what. He does not know how. He feels rather detached from the whole process, but it feels as though the ice in his veins is creating new tissue and pulling him back to life. He wonders what magic Jotunheim's body holds and realizes he has never even studied his own internal anatomy- that every scan or routine examination he has had was a lie. He hears a voice.

"Well what do we have here? Loki? Thor has left you behind?"

Loki cannot yet move, but his eyes are open and tracking the owner of the voice- one of Odin's soldiers. A young one, by the look of him. One who does not know that the fallen prince has power far beyond the scope of his own body. Loki makes sure his mask is in place and then tries for an illusion. The Bifrost appears to open, another skiff and soldier joining them.

"Any troubles?"

"No, just need to get this cretin back to the All-Father."

"Here, let me give you a hand with that."

When the soldier bends over to assist in carrying Loki, he rises, invisible, and takes the place of the soldier. The body on the ground is now the illusion and he is careful to move it convincingly.

"Thanks, friend. I'll make the report to Odin."

"Allow me. You likely have family to check on. I do not."

"My mother certainly would appreciate a visit." And they part ways, the first soldier taken up by the Bifrost as Loki's elaborate illusion adjusts controls and makes sure the cargo is well stowed. He retrieves what is left of the skiff he flew into Svartalfheim and returns to Asgard still wearing the look of the guard.

 


	11. Chapter 11

Odin knows it is him the minute he enters the throne room. Loki keeps his disguise as long as he is in public, but as soon as the All-Father asks to speak to him in private, he knows things are going to go badly.

"Drop the illusion, Loki. I know it is you. How is it that you escape Svartalfheim while your brother yet fights for this realm and all others? Do you know he places his life in danger this very moment?"

"My body healed from a wound I thought was mortal. I know nothing about my own anatomy."

"You are a creature of ice. That is all you need to know." Odin sits behind his vast desk.

Loki remains standing, feeling small, but also incredibly angry, "You let her die."

"There was no 'let', Loki."

"I could have helped. I could have fought with her. She wanted me to stay with her. Had I not been in the dungeon-"

"You would both be dead and I would be mourning the loss of my son and my wife both."

Loki is stunned to silence for a few moments, "You would mourn me?"

"Your mother was right. About many things. But also that I should not have sent you away."

"Would it sound too petty to insist that Thor started it?"

"Perhaps. But it would at least be a familiar pettiness." There is a small smile at the corner of his lips.

"Thor did not answer when I asked. Did she suffer?"

"No."

"At least there is that blessing."

"Yes." Odin studies Loki's face. He is hiding something, "Drop the illusion. You are still wearing one. A very good one, but still, an illusion yet."

Loki does as he is asked and appears blue, "Is this how you prefer me? The monster?"

"Frigga would say you are yet our son, colour makes no difference."

"And you?" Odin hesitates and Loki's face falls.

"I will learn to live by her example. For her. A last gift."

Loki is shaking as he nods. This conversation is frightening, but it is not in the way he had thought. He had imagined quite a lot more yelling and possibly a beating. Instead he feels naked, exposed, and vulnerable. He always has in the presence of the All-Father. It is because of this that he elevated his storytelling and lies to an art so fine that even Odin doubted which brother was telling the truth and even when he knew Loki's tale to be false, he could not quite put his finger on why.

"So you are not going to return me to the dungeon?"

"No. Unless you earn it. And, of course, if Malekith succeeds at the Convergence, it will not matter."

"I will seek out Thor and Jane."

"No. You are needed here. The people of Asgard have not seen their younger prince in quite some time. With the fall of their Queen, they need to know the rest of the family lives and is well. The loss of one of their princes would be devastating."

"What ought I do?"

"What would she have done?"

"Pardon?"

"What would your mother have done? The city is in chaos, pieces of it are falling in. There has been an invasion of a long-believed-dead enemy. What would she have done to bring people peace?"

Loki cannot believe what he is hearing, "Months ago you sought to let me die in Jotunheim. Then you caged me so that I might simply disappear from the memories of the Aesir. And now you ask me to take on the things she would have done? How can you honour me so?"

Odin's face is pained, "I do not do it out of the goodness of my heart, Loki. I am a foolish old man, a brutal king, and often a poor father. Your mother understood you far better than I ever did. And now I ask the person who knew her best, possibly better than even I, to work in her stead. I give this task to you because it is what she would have wanted."

"And Thor?"

"Thor will continue to learn to be a warrior king."

"What of Jane?"

There is a long pause before Odin answers, choosing his words carefully, "Her life is short. She will serve as queen beside Thor if this is what he wishes. But she will need you to teach her. She does not know this place, its people, its customs. She knows nothing of what it means to be queen. You have sat at the knee of Asgard's beloved All-Mother your entire life. There can be no better teacher for Jane."

"A Midgardian in the Queen's chair."

"Your brother will choose his own path. The question ahead of you is what yours will be."

Loki holds out his hands, "This is what I am. I cannot be seen. I will find no love in this realm and if I do, I will have to tell them of my affliction and it will end."

"Do you wish me to restore your Aesir appearance?"

Loki is conflicted. He does want this, very much, but at the same time...he knows he will have to come to terms with what he is and hiding from that will not help. He nods, slowly. Something warms across his skin and he watches the colour shift from blue to his familiar pale peach.

"But I may ask you to remove it on occasion so that I might know what I am."

"I will teach you to do it yourself, if I can keep my patience."

Loki is still unnerved by the encounter when he is dismissed a few minutes later. He retreats to his sunlit study and calls for a servant to bring him his writing kit and the large book that is still down in his cell. Things are going to be different in Asgard. He still believes he will be walking on thin ice around Odin, but perhaps not forever. Perhaps Odin will grow from treating Loki as his son only because she did to wanting it himself. Or not. But even if not, there would be no break in the face of the family. Her death bought him a little protection and he silently thanks her.

When Thor returns to Asgard, he speaks to Odin about living with Jane. Odin allows it on the condition that for at least one month every year, he comes home so she might learn of their lives and Loki can enjoy the company of his brother. This is how Odin tells Thor that Loki lives. Thor bolts from the throne room.

He finds Loki in his study, writing a letter- he does not bother to knock and Loki looks mildly annoyed, but at the same time, happy to see him, "Hold for just one moment, Thor. I will not lose this thought."

"To whom do you write?"

"I said hold, you oaf." He shakes his head, playful.

Thor only waits a moment, hugging him from behind, "I thought you dead."

He sets his pen aside, "I thought I was as well."

"Then we are both happily surprised."

"No, not entirely."

"You did not wish to live?"

"I had no reason to. Mother dead, no home in Asgard, Father's disapproval...and you happy with Jane..."

"I would not have left you had I known. I am so sorry, Loki. I will always return for you."

"Well that is far preferable to living a monastic life with no company at all."

Thor kisses Loki's cheek as he did so often when they were small children, "So. To whom do you write?" He reaches for the previous pages set face aside face-down, but Loki slaps his hand.

"That is none of your business."

"And yet you say you would otherwise be alone. Come now, a- how many is it?- ten page letter must be for someone special."

"It is." Loki tries not to be annoyed, but he finds Thor's questions, as well as his hanging from his shoulders like an oversized cape, to be irritating.

"But you said you would have no one were I not to visit. It cannot be to Father, can it?"

"Of course not. He and I have said our pieces. We do not need to speak any more than absolutely necessary."

"Ah, family."

"Yes, indeed."

"So if not to Father...do you have a forbidden lady friend? Perhaps the darling Sigyn?"

"No, and no. Please stop asking."

"Surrender is not in my nature, remember?"

Loki sighs, "It is to Mother. Are you happy?"

Thor stops teasing and pulls over the drawing table chair, "You have this much you left unsaid?"

"Yes. And more. Volumes, perhaps," his voice is barely above a whisper.

"And you intend to write everything down?"

"I have no other choice. The words will eat me hollow if I do not."

Thor does not understand his little brother's romance with words, but he can see that this is far more important to him than any of his other writing, "Yes. I suppose that means you must." He thinks, then speaks carefully, "May I read them when you are done?" He wonders if he should reassure him that no, he does not have to. This is completely up to him. A willing audience should he want one.

"Perhaps. But not now."

Thor opens his arms and Loki practically falls into them. Things may not be entirely right with Odin, and the hole left by Frigga's death will never heal, but Thor...Thor searches for his heart and wants to see it wherever he hides it.

"I am so glad you are still with us, Loki. My heart has been so heavy, believing I had lost you both."

Nestled against his brother's shoulder, Loki feels safe, "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For remaining brother to a creature as cold as I."

The allusion is not lost on Thor and he holds Loki tighter, "Always."

 


End file.
